Detour

Applejack stared. “Who now is a piece of what now?”

“Uhhh…”

“Did you say Gilda? Like, rip you up with her claws Gilda? That Gilda?”

Dash sulked. “Fine. I’m the real derpy pony around here. I get it.”

“But I’m jes’ tryin’ to understand…”

“Fine!” Dash rolled over, facing away from Applejack.

Applejack frowned, and nudged her balky pegasus on the shoulder, to no effect. She nudged harder, and Dashie covered her face with her hooves and laid her ears back. That had an unintended side effect.

“Ow! Applejack!” Rainbow tried to lay her ears totally flat, and was in a mood to do it, but Applejack had got one in her teeth, and without biting down too hard, tugged, growling…

And let go, shocked, when she saw the tears in Dash’s eyes. “Rainbow, what is happening? I ain’t even mad, now I’m gettin’ scared!”

That got through. Dash twisted her neck to face her love, still looking sulky and deeply hurt. “I don’t want you to be scared. I don’t want anypony to be scared, or sad, or let down, but especially not you.”

Applejack took a breath. “Then tell me what’s happenin’. Never mind all this other stuff—what’s happenin’ to you?”

“I was talking to Flight Lightning…”

“Jes’ talking?” joked Applejack, whereupon Rainbow Dash flipped right back over again, refusing to look at her.

Applejack gulped, and the dark circles that had been sneaking back under her eyes seemed to deepen. She hesitated, and then nudged her beloved cautiously. “Honey? We used to be able to joke…”

Dash sniffled loudly, and rolled back over again. “Sorry,” she said, but Applejack’s heart leapt into her throat with one glance at Dash’s expression.

“Rainbow, what is hurting you? I’ll do anythin’ that might help. You need me lovin’ on Derpy, sugar? Or,” and she gulped, “Gilda? Won’t say I never imagined that but it ain’t safe no-how…”

Dash was shaking her head. “You don’t get it. This is not some ploy to get you busy with my friends—or with my history. That’s what me and Flight Lightning were talking about. I got a thing called post-partum depression, Applejack. I can’t help it. Flight had it once too, she called me on it. It’s not about Derpy, or Gilda. Right now I’m worried that I’m making dumb decisions because of it.”

“Toppin’ Derpy is a dumb decision?” blinked Applejack.

“It is,” said Rainbow Dash, “if it means I’m gonna keep doing stupid things until you hate me and leave me and I’ll never see you again which will be entirely my fault.”

Applejack’s jaw dropped. Dash looked right back at her, ears chastened.

“I told you I was worried. I guess I’m not supposed to be thinking things like that, which is just one more wrong thing I do now…”

Her words were cut off by Applejack’s lips, as her mate shut her up with a desperate, tender kiss. Applejack’s eyes pleaded wordlessly as her mouth parted, nuzzling against Rainbow’s, not allowing another word until she saw that Dash’s ears had perked up a little.

Then she pulled back, and allowed Dash to speak.

Rainbow Dash licked her lips, eyes still worried. “I guess I know your opinion, though I still don’t deserve any of this…”

Applejack winced, her eyes gone tragic, and Dash mustered up all the spirit she could find and kissed her back. It was entirely too mournful a kiss, she knew, but she could tell she wouldn’t be able to do better. Now that Flight Lightning had called her on it, she recognized her mood for what it was, and it was a lead anvil tied to her guts, dragging her down into an inevitable crater where she belonged.

Dash shook her head. Logically, that was crap. Flight would kick her ass for thinking it.

Applejack didn’t look hostile, though, she looked terrified. It seemed that Angry Rainbow was normal enough, and Obnoxious Rainbow was par for the course, but Doom-Struck Rainbow broke a whole set of rules for the faithful country pony. Dash hastened to reassure her.

“I promise, I can handle it. I think Flight said it might eventually go away or something? I’ll be careful. No more of my…” Dash ground to a halt, trying to find a way to put it. “…daredevil crap. I’ll stay safe. I swear, I’ll stay safe.”

“You ain’t… safe?” said Applejack, weakly.

“Yes I am!” said Dash, and kissed Applejack again, and this time she was the one with energy, for Applejack seemed to be a little stunned at her words. “I’m safe. I’ll talk to Flight some more. We’ll nip this depression thing in the bud! Just because it’s too big to even fight doesn’t mean I won’t fight it. You know me better than that, right?”

Applejack blinked a couple times. Her eyes were moist. “I… I could tell somethin’ was up, Dashie. Seemed like you din’t want to talk about it. Thought you was mad at me?”

Dash grimaced. “Now you’re thinking it’s something you did!”

“Please, Dashie, calm down!” said Applejack. “I’mma talk to… somepony. Granny, maybe? I don’t care if she’s mad at me, this-all is scarin’ me.”

“Well, she wouldn’t be mad if I…” began Dash, and then forced herself to stop. They both knew it was Twilight’s lactation cantrip that had blown things with Granny—it seemed to disturb her on a level they couldn’t argue her out of, like Applejack’s tits had become magical objects. Of course, thought Dash, they were—but not that way. It didn’t help with Granny, though.

Applejack was staring at her earnestly. “Rainbow Dash, I don’t know much about depression, whether it’s post-partin’ or log-splittin depression, but I want you to know that I got your back.”

“And wings,” added Rainbow. “Always.”

“Damn straight, darlin’,” said Applejack, “so I’m tellin’ you right now, whether it seems to make sense to you or what—we are a team and we gonna rise or fall together, you hear me? I will do anything, anything you think needs doin’. Hell, I’ll try to enjoy it, specially if it’s somethin’ that feels good like fuckin’. I can see in your eyes that whatever this is, it’s hurt you bad. You ain’t alone, Dashie. If you’re depressed, well I’ll be there with you until you’re better.”

“Mm,” said Dash, frowning. “This is too much to ask. It’s too much trouble, and I’m probably being totally stupid.”

“Ain’t that depression talkin’? Since when were you not awesome?”

Rainbow winced. “Since Spy, apparently. Oh, okay, okay, I get it! Fine, I’m awesome…”

“In my eyes,” said Applejack, sincerely.

Rainbow looked skeptical. “Yeah. But I’m up to my old crap, Applejack. Letting Gilda play with me, trying to get Derpy laid…”

“Did she hurt you? Ah mean, this time?” Applejack covertly tried to look over Dash’s body for injuries.

“We didn’t do anything. I swear, she didn’t touch me,” said Dash. “I sent her to my house. She says she doesn’t want to be a griffin anymore. She wants to be a pony, by which she means, she wants pony cock in a bad way and she’s pissed off at the other griffins for kicking her out.”

“What?!” blinked Applejack.

“Yeah! She says she’s a pervert and they don’t like perverts. I don’t know if it’s true but it wouldn’t be safe to ask them. Maybe Twilight or Princess Celestia could get away with it, but they wouldn’t necessarily talk. Anyway, Gilda says she’s got nowhere to go. I set her up in my house because I’m not there anymore, and I told her I’d get back to her. No, wait, I told Derpy I’d get back to her. I told Gilda to get the fuck out, which pretty much means the same thing if you’re a griffin.”

Applejack was trembling, shaking her head. “Oh, Dashie! I jes’ don’t know. It’s so… un-pony. How can that mean, ‘I’ll get back to you’?”

Rainbow struggled to explain. “It just does, okay? They’re incredibly rude. If you could’ve seen her… um, maybe it’s just as well you didn’t, but I understood. It looked scary with the grabbing sharp talons and everything, but she was nervous as buck! It’s crazy, but some part of her means it. She was trying to act pony, and she had no idea how to do that. She said she was sorry. I’ve never heard a griffin say that, ever! Do you have any idea how weird it was to hear that come out of that beak?”

Applejack twitched at the mention of the sharp talons, and again at the reference to a beak. “I can’t believe she was your honey in flight school. It’s amazin’ you survived!”

At that, Dash gave her a look. “Boss, I’ve probably done nearly as much damage playing rough, and you were okay with that—well, mostly. I’ve kicked you, I’ve bit your butt, and I happen to know you were trying Rarity, who’s the queen of kinky ponies…”

“We din’t do that stuff!” protested Applejack. “I din’t want to hurt her or do her down like that, and I would never surrender or let her dominate me!” She gulped, and then added, “Well, mostly!”

Dash’s eyebrow lifted. “Oh, really! You should tell me sometime. So, the mighty Rarity did manage to top you, hmm?”

It was Applejack’s turn to be sulky. “Don’t count. We loved each other, still do. And that stuff busted us up, Dashie, I couldn’t stand it. It ain’t no concern of yours.”

Dash nuzzled her, a little smirk lighting up her face. “I remember, a long time ago, introducing you to Pinkie and what she does. I told you how sexy it would be to hold you while you lost your pony mind. Wouldn’t it also be sexy to watch Rarity work out on you?”

Applejack was unconvinced. “Rainbow Dash, I ain’t no play-toy, nor anypony’s victim, even in sexin’. I am a mama, now! And I got responsibilities, you have no idea… Big Macintosh is still off somewheres, he tries to get ahead on the work and then go all trot-about and you cain’t do that, things will come up, and Granny’s mad and Apple Bloom mopes around ‘cos of Sweetie and Scootaloo…”

Dash sighed. “Yeah. Thanks for mentioning it. A lot of that is my fault and I was trying not to think about it.”

Flustered, Applejack protested, “Is not! Oh, Dashie. Is this what depressin’ is? Would it help if you got to play again? It’ll take a lot of doin’, what with the baby and all…”

“I noticed,” said Dash, and Applejack’s face fell even more.

“It’s really getting to you, huh?”

Dash didn’t answer, sunk in her gloom. Applejack blinked away a tear.

“Ah do a lot,” she said softly. Then, louder—”Ah do an awful lot.”

“I know,” said Dash.

“Ain’t it enough?”

Dash hesitated half a second too long.

“Of course it is, Applejack. I love you.”

Applejack lay awake a long time, staring at nothing, saying nothing.


Applejack had snuck out to the barn before breakfast—not to carouse or canoodle, but to bring in some of the very freshest hay Sweet Apple Acres had.

Apple Bloom nibbled glumly on the hay-cakes Applejack had made, and stared at her plate.

The spectacle seemed to offend Rainbow, who sat very close to her marefriend and devoured her breakfast with ostentatious delight. “Mmm!” she said. “These really are a special treat, wouldn’t you say, Granny?”

Granny Smith shot her a sidelong glance. “Ye could say that,” she said. She considered, and turned to face Applejack’s hesitant smile. “Ye done good, child, this is a fine breakfast.”

“You might even say,” added Dash, “it was magical.”

Granny’s face shut down, and Applejack cringed and burst into a flurry of explanation. “She don’t mean it literal or nothin’! Jes’ bein’ nice, my Dashie is!”

Granny looked sour, pursing her lips. She hesitated, and then put words to her sour look.

“That makes four of us who ain’t ate magic for breakfast…”

Dash glared. “Hey, we’ve explained this before!”

“Apple Bloom!” interrupted Applejack, fretfully. “You okay, honey? Them hay-cakes all right? Ah could make you some more if they got cold on ya…”

Granny snorted. “If they did, it’s on account of her mopin’ rather’n eatin’! Don’t you dare, child, I won’t have such coddlin’. My sakes, Apple Bloom, what is th’ matter?”

Apple Bloom sighed, pouting, then lifted her head, for she knew better than to cross Granny. “It’s nothin’, I guess. Feelin’ mighty lonely as of late.”

Granny shook her head. “That again? Poor lil’ scaper, I remember you was talkin’ about that stuff. Your lil’ friends ain’t playin’ with you like they used?”

Apple Bloom directed a resentful look at her hay-cakes.

“Well,” said Granny, “if your sis…” and broke off, abruptly.

Rainbow’s head snapped around. “What?”

“Din’t say nothin’, girl,” said Granny truculently. “Back to your hay-cakes.”

“Oh?” replied Dash. “It sounded like you were gonna say something about Apple Bloom’s sis. What could that possibly have been, huh?”

“Rainbow,” protested Applejack, “don’t bully Granny like that!”

At this, Granny Smith snorted. “Ye daft, child? Every day I’m more certain that this little blue wingy pony is Apple born, somehow. Why, Rainbow Dash, it jes’ possibly could have been me sayin’, if Applejack weren’t doin’ somethin’ for you that you could dang well do yourself, maybe she’d be available to be a sister to Apple Bloom!”

Dash glanced at Applejack and caught the stricken look, and she whirled on Granny, flapping. “Oh yeah? Well, if you’ve got a problem with that, take it up with me, because I asked her to do it, and we keep telling you, there are no lasting magical effects! If I ever, ever hear you saying…”

She was interrupted by Apple Bloom, who waved her hooves and cried, “Don’t yell! Applejack is th’ best sister ever, and I don’t mind at all if she don’t have as much time ‘cos we all love Northern Spy who is the sweetest most adorable baby foal in the whole world…”

Applejack was catching her breath as well, recovering from her initial shock, and there was a pleading look in her eyes as she, too, turned to Granny. “Rainbow needed my help if she was gonna start training again. We talked about it, Granny! Don’t you remember?”

Granny’s lips were tight, her eyes strict. “You talked about it, child. Ah am your grandmother, but that don’t mean I own you, nor this farm, and it don’t mean you’ll listen. Only so much breath you can waste on a lost cause.”

Applejack gulped. “Ah’m sorry. I love her, Granny. I would do anything for Rainbow. Anything.”

“That’s jes’ what worries me, child,” said Granny Smith.

“Please don’t fight!” said Apple Bloom. “My friends ain’t prop’ly my friends no more, I don’t want my family goin’ wrong!”

“We ain’t fightin’!” snapped Granny Smith. “We is disagreein’. Best settle for that! Now, why ain’t you finished your breakfast?”

Apple Bloom dove in and gobbled up her remaining hay-cakes, and as she finished them, Applejack said soothingly, “Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are still your friends, darlin’. Honest they are. Maybe we kin talk to ‘em if they need a lil’ help rememberin’ important things?”

Apple Bloom swallowed. “Ain’t about rememberin’. I wish it were. We had a big meetin’ the other day—well, I say we had, turns out it was me havin’ it all by myself—and afterward, I goes over to Carousel Boutique that evenin’ to find Sweetie.”

“Uhhh…” said Rainbow Dash, making a shrewd guess, but Apple Bloom continued.

“An’ nopony opened the door or nothin’ so I went to look in a window and there they was all the same and they was…”

“Apple Bloom!” protested Applejack.

“…canoodling!”

Rainbow Dash snorted with laughter, in spite of herself. “No kidding?”

Apple Bloom turned to her, hurt and offended. “Did they have to spend ALL that time canoodling? They couldn’t take a few minutes for important Crusader business?”

“Uh, Apple Bloom…” said Applejack, watching Granny’s expression.

“How can you even canoodle all day long an’ into the night? It ain’t possible!”

“Apple Bloom…” began Rainbow, shaking her head and smiling.

“Your tongue would wear off!”

“APPLE Bloom!” snapped Granny fiercely.

Dash snorted with laughter again. Apple Bloom’s ears wilted, and she muttered, “Sorry, Granny Smith.”

“How about we go and make some apple fritters, okay?” suggested Applejack. “Then we can take ‘em into town and sell ‘em, I ain’t tendin’ to our farm stand near as much as I oughta…”

“It’ll get done, child,” said Granny Smith. “We all do our part. I been takin’ up your slack with the stand. Can’t say I ain’t tryin’.”

Applejack looked tragic. “I promise, I’ll find more time to run that there stand…”

“How about you find some time to make apple fritters with your lil’ sister?”

“Yes’m,” said Applejack, her ears quirked to the side in dismay. She followed Apple Bloom out of the room, but paused in the doorway and turned. Her eyes glistened.

“I love you, Granny.”

The old mare glowered at her empty plate. “To a point, ye do.”

Then, she winced, cowering away slightly, for Rainbow Dash wasn’t laughing anymore. Her brittle mood had taken another tumble when she heard the hurtful remark, and she’d leaned over and was glaring right in Granny’s eyes, without a word.

Granny sighed. “All right, all right. I hear ye, child. ‘Course you do. An’ I do love you—all of you confounded jackasses callin’ yourselves ponies. Mebbe I’m the biggest jackass, is my ears long an’ pointy? Check my ears, will ye?”

Rainbow’s head bowed a little. “They look fine, Granny. Sorry I got so mad.”

Granny looked mournful. “Ain’t no thing,” she said. She paused for a moment, and her face twisted. “…but I tell you, this is what you get when you go changin’ all good things willy-nilly!”

Rainbow Dash winced, then, for she considered herself the agent of all this change. She opened her mouth, trying to think of what to say, but it was Applejack who spoke. “I’ll go make some apple fritters with Apple Bloom, I promise. Then we can go sell ‘em at the stand!”

“I’ll get out of your sight,” said Rainbow. “Spy’s probably going to want to be fed soon…”

“No, I’ll go,” said Granny, sagging. “I’ll go, it’s time I had my nap anyways. I’ll try my best with it all, I promise ye. Can’t say I ain’t tryin’. Don’t you dare say that! Ain’t like I ain’t trying…”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes softened, and she opened her mouth to speak, while Applejack watched nervously.

“Maaaa!” cried Northern Spy, from the upstairs bedroom.

Without a word, Rainbow turned and trotted upstairs to nurse the foal, and Applejack headed into the kitchen to make apple fritters. Granny hobbled off to nap, and the room was empty except for breakfast’s abandoned plates.

Fifteen minutes later, Apple Bloom slipped in and collected the dishes for washing. Rainbow hadn’t thought anything of it, but the Apples had never left dishes lying out before, and Apple Bloom did her best to sneak them into the sink in the hopes the grownups wouldn’t notice their own lapse, and feel bad about it.

Applejack saw her do it, but pretended not to notice.


“You take Spy,” said Rainbow Dash, “and I’ll go find Derpy, okay? Are you sure you’re up for this?”

Applejack nodded solemnly as she opened the door for Dash. “Might be worryin’ if I was nursing Northern Spy just a minute before, but you know the thing about them magic bits—won’t matter if I worry. Sproing!”

“Where is it? You’re not holding it in your mouth.”

Applejack’s eyes twinkled. “Got it in my hat. Don’t you worry. I’ll have somethin’ for her if she wants.”

“Well, I assume it’s you she wants, because she wanted what happens to me. She’s seen me with a pony on top of me, and you know that could only mean you…”

“Or Pinkie,” suggested Applejack.

Rainbow gave her a look. “Not with a dick, it wouldn’t be. You know Pinkie won’t deal with those at all. Anyway, she’s all about Fluttershy now. No, Derpy Hooves said she wanted somepony to do that to her, and she meant grow a dick and get busy. It’s gotta mean you.”

“Well, if Twilight could stand it,” said Applejack, “I reckon Derpy kin. Where we doin’ this? Is it okay if I don’t want to be doin’ it in our bedroom? That’s OUR bedroom, sugar…”

“How about the barn, then? That’s pretty cozy. Good place to have fun, right?”

Applejack considered this. “All right. You go fetch Derpy, I’ll head on over to th’ barn with Spy. When you come back, you take Spy and I’ll… heh, well I reckon I’ll take Derpy.”

“You’re smiling,” teased Rainbow.

“Aw. She is a dear sweet thing. Hope I kin make her happy.”

Dash smirked. “How much do you want to bet?”

This got a snicker from Applejack. “No bet. I do all right. Off y’ go, charitable sweetie.”

“From what I hear, Sweetie’s too busy canoodling to be charitable,” said Rainbow. “Is that really what you guys call it? Canoodling? Seriously?”

“Hush. Mah audience awaits. Go git ‘er.”

Rainbow saluted playfully, and shot off at high speed, and Applejack began ambling toward the barn.

When Rainbow returned, it was alone. “She’s coming! She was delivering some mail. She wants to drop that stuff off at her house, she’s afraid she might lose it. Hey—what’s the matter?”

Applejack trotted to and fro, as Spy napped in the grass. “Big Macintosh still ain’t back. I don’t think he’s even been here. What the hay, Dashie?”

Rainbow blinked. “Really? How long has he been gone?”

“I ain’t rightly sure! Since he begun stayin’ in the barn, he travels more’n he used to. He might be in our warehouse in Fillydelphia, but I thought he’d come back for some more plowin’.”

Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes, and hmphed. Then she smiled. “Maybe he’s out making some more little foals.”

“Oh dear. Ya think he picked up th’ habit?”

“Hey,” said Rainbow, “we better ask Derpy if that’s what she thinks she’s gonna do. Maybe she’s gonna have a good fuck, then go and look in the cabbage patch after?”

“Oh, dear Celestia,” moaned Applejack. “Don’t say such things, honey?”

Rainbow studied her distressed mate, and then nodded sharply. “Just a minute. I’ll be right back.” She scooped up Spy in her forelegs with a grunt, and began to fly back toward the house.

“Whatcha doin’, Dashie?”

“I’m gonna drop Spy off with Granny, and wait with you!” called Dash. “I’m not going to make you explain this stuff alone. You can still be private with Derpy once we have everything sorted out. Until then, I’m your wing-mare.”

“Aw!” said Applejack. “Thanks, Dashie!”

It took only a minute, and as Rainbow Dash returned alone, both ponies could see a little grey dot in the sky, approaching.

Derpy flew up, calling “Hello again, Rainbow Dash!”

“Hey Derpy! I’m just gonna get you settled in and then I’ll leave you guys to it, okay?”

Derpy landed with a thump and a cute stumble, smiling broadly all the while. “Thank you, Rainbow Dash! You’re a super extra nice pony!”

“So are you, sweetie,” smiled Dash. “So are you.”

“Ya nervous, sugarcube?” said Applejack.

Derpy blushed, looking down. “A little.”

“That’s okay,” said Applejack. “Understandable. Don’t you worry. Nothin’ wrong with feelin’ the way you are feelin’.”

“That said,” continued Rainbow Dash, “we need to ask you a couple of things, okay? If you don’t mind?”

“Okay!”

“Sooo… is this about having foals, Derpy? I know we talked about that a little bit. Do you see this stuff as a way to make a foal of your own?”

They paused, holding their breath, as Derpy thought. Her brow was knit, and her eyes went even more wonky than usual, and she pouted, sticking out her lower lip. Applejack gulped, for it was both adorable and disconcerting. It really was Derpy, wanting this done to her. There was no telling what was bouncing around in that curious head, but it wasn’t about telling at all… it was about asking.

“Uhhh… I was gonna ask you about that, Rainbow Dash.”

“Shoot!” said Dash. At the puzzled look, she explained, “Ask away. I mean—yes, ask me about it.”

“Well, there’s the ponies that get foals, and then there’s the ponies that climb on top of each other and stick things, and I think they’re the same ponies. Is that true, Rainbow Dash? You got one! How does it work? They’re not even in the cabbage patch when they do that—or even near it!”

Dash blinked. “Ah. Ha. Yeah. I was wondering if I could shake you on the cabbage patch thing…”

Derpy lowered her head a little, sulkily. It didn’t look like she was ready to be told her Mom had made up a story for her.

“…but still, good eye, Derpy. Um… either of them. Probably not both at once, knowing you. Anyway, you’re right, that sort of thing does relate to making foals. Is that why you wanted to do it?”

Derpy thought again, and they let her.

“I don’t know, Rainbow Dash. I’m kinda clumsy, and I forget stuff. I’m glad there’s foals. But maybe I don’t want to take care of one right now. I might break it, and that would be real bad. Can I have a penis poked into me without making any?”

Applejack sighed with relief. “Sure ya can. Derpy, it takes a lil’ extra magic for a pegasus mare to make babies. I promise, you won’t have any without that little extra magic.”

Derpy bounced. “Okay! I’ll ask her not to do any extra!”

Rainbow Dash glanced sharply at her. “So it’s not foals you’re after. Maybe I should check and find out if we’re all on the same page here. Derpy, why do you want this? Is it because you see other ponies doing stuff and you think you should try to be like them? If you’re not ready it won’t be comfortable to do. It’s worth asking.”

Derpy blushed more. “Uhhh… when I see other mares getting penises in their vagina, I get the funniest feeling. It’s like itchy, only not. And I want to jump around, and if I rub it I feel really funny and it’s amazing, only I get yelled at if I do it around other ponies or drip wet stuff on pony heads or get it on the mail, so I can only do that at home, but the whole time I just want somepony to jump up on to me and…”

“She’s ready,” said Applejack, with a toss of her mane and a little half-smile.

“Oh yeah,” said Dash. “Okay, Derpy, we get it, you can stop explaining. Hey! Look at me—yeah, with at least one eye, that’s it. I want you to know, I’ve been yelled at for doing the same thing, so don’t feel bad.”

Applejack blinked. “You clop in the air, Dashie? While flyin’ over other ponies?” She thought about this. “Never mind, silly question…”

“I don’t have to do that as much anymore,” said Dash. “And hey, neither does Derpy, now!”

“Dern tootin’,” said Applejack. “Sweetie, that barn holds the answer to your marehood’s prayers, and we’re honestly delighted that we can bring it to ya. Go on in. Your pleasure awaits.”

Derpy stared entranced at Applejack and Dash, her big goofy smile growing bigger and bigger.

Applejack made a sweeping gesture toward the cracked-open barn door with a forehoof. “After you, milady?”

Derpy bounced, with a little squee of joy and both wings quiveringly erect, and charged at the door, bursting through. The barn shook as she knocked the doors wide open.

Applejack began to follow, but a window-box above her creaked, wobbled, and dumped flowerpots on her head. She flinched, but Rainbow Dash darted into the air and caught one, two, three falling flowerpots. A fourth tried to tumble to the ground, but Dash held it in place with her muzzle, glancing down at Applejack with alarm.

“Uh, thanks, Dashie,” said Applejack. “Reckon I’ll fix that up afterwards.”

Dash’s eyes were wide. “Maybe I better stick around to catch falling debris.”

“An’ ogle th’ proceedings?” snickered Applejack.

Dash landed, placing the four flowerpots on the ground, but her wings stayed up. She grinned, foolishly. “…maybe?”

Applejack grinned back. “You’re th’ Dashiest. C’mon, then.”

They walked in to join Derpy, expecting to see a lovely albeit derpy grey mare winking at them, but instead they saw blinking. A glance showed that Derpy was indeed aroused—her pussy pouted fetchingly, and did wink even as they watched, but Derpy herself was looking all around the barn, trotting in place and turning this way and that, perplexed.

“Where is she?” cried Derpy.

“Who?” said Applejack.

“Twilight Sparkle!”

Applejack’s jaw dropped. Dash’s eyes bugged out, and she squeaked, “What?”

“The somepony I wanted! You said my pleasure awaited, and I said I wanted somepony to get on top of me which is Twilight Sparkle and where is she?”

Dash stared at her. Gently, she put out a hoof, reached under Applejack’s chin, and lifted her dropped jaw. She gulped. “Derpy, why does it have to be Twilight Sparkle?”

“Because I saw her out in a field with Trixie last week. And she had sex—that’s sex, right?—with Trixie. And she’s so pretty and magical and I saw the penis she made and I really think it would feel good, really. Can we go and ask her if she will do that to me too?”

“Hoo boy,” said Applejack.

“Twilight Sparkle,” said Rainbow Dash.

“But I think she should have a boy name too if she is a boy sometimes. I, uh, I, uh, decided she could be Dusk Shine, isn’t that a pretty name?”

“Oh, sweet Celestia,” breathed Applejack.

“Um, yeah,” said Dash, “sure. Pretty name. Um… That’s who you want? Twi? How do I even explain this… We kinda tried to arrange things so that Applejack could help you out. You know Applejack. She’s very special, Derpy, she really is…”

Applejack was blushing, shifting from hoof to hoof with a distressed expression. Derpy gave her and the wall a hard look and turned back to Rainbow again.

“I saw Applejack have sex with you, Rainbow Dash.”

“And here I am, I give you permission and I’m telling you it’s okay with us…”

“I saw her penis, Rainbow Dash, and I think it is too big and it would hurt. And Twilight, I mean Dusk Shine, is a lot more magical.”

Applejack’s blush made her resemble her brother. She socked Rainbow with a hoof. “C’mon, Dashie, she don’t wanna…”

“Are you kidding me?” protested Rainbow. “You want magical? You have no idea how awesome it is feeling that massive boner wedging into you. That’s a little earth pony magic, let me tell you! Are you out of your derpy mind? We’ve come out here and set this up for you, and now it’s too much stallion?”

Applejack kept prodding Rainbow, as they watched Derpy pout stubbornly, and reply.

“My mama told me one day there would be a magical pony, who would love me in a special way and not hurt me. I don’t know, Rainbow Dash, maybe your vagina is just really huge, but I saw Applejack with a penis, and how could that not hurt me, a giant thing like that? And she isn’t as magical a pony at all!”

“You don’t get it,” argued Dash, “some things hurt GOOD… if it’s a special way you wanted, you owe it to yourself to…”

“Dashie!” snapped Applejack, scarlet in the face. “Please! She don’t want to! Ain’t nopony owes nothin’, leave her be!”

Dash glared. She ruffled her wings, and pawed at the ground with a forehoof, snorting.

“Down, Dashie! Easy there,” said Applejack, her ears laid back nervously.

At that, Rainbow dropped her gaze, and the flared-out wings sagged, and she bowed her head. After a little pause, she said, “Sorry.”

Derpy’s lip quivered. “Is it okay if I go? I thought you had Twilight. I’m sorry I made you mad, Rainbow Dash.”

Rainbow sagged even further. “Shit. No, I’m sorry, Derpy. We’re the ones derping today. And EVERY day…”

“Are you gonna bring Twilight Sparkle for me?” asked Derpy, in a little, plainitive voice.

Applejack glanced at Dash. Dash glanced at Applejack. Neither spoke for a moment.

“We can try,” said Applejack.

They watched Derpy’s face light up, and marvelled. Her dismay was forgotten, and the smile grew and grew until it shone forth radiantly. Her fluffy grey wings rose irrepressibly, and her bubble-marked rump quivered deliciously, for Derpy’s legs were trembling at just the thought of it.

Rainbow Dash began to grin, too. “We WILL try. How’s that grab you, Derpster?”

Derpy beamed, and the faint sound and clear scent of her winking labia answered the question—and then she was bouncing ebulliently—and then stumbling into Applejack, panting, for the gleeful bouncing had apparently given her a pony orgasm.

“Whoa!” chuckled the country mare. “Easy there! Damn right we’ll try. If she gives ya any trouble, darlin’, you jes’ smile at her like that, okay?”

“Okay!” squeaked Derpy.

“Now come on, there ain’t nothin’ for us here. Let us work on it, okay, sugar? We got some explainin’ to do.”

“Boy, do we ever,” added Dash.

They turned toward the barn doors, and Derpy reared playfully, then did a flip—a sort of pegasus flip, for she twirled madly in the air with a wild flapping of pent-up wings. She landed on her hooves, stumbled heavily to the side, and charged more or less out of the barn, rebounding off the doorframe and leaping into the sky with enthusiasm.

Applejack galloped out to watch her go, and the falling window-box bonked her on the head, knocking off her hat and sending the magic bit flying. “Ow!”

Rainbow rushed up. “You okay?”

Applejack spat. “Hmph! Yeah. I’ll get that nailed back up in a jiffy.”

“I’ll do it, I can fly,” said Dash.

“True enough. All righty, that works,” said Applejack. She turned to study her marefriend, and frowned. “What’s th’ matter, hon?”

Rainbow glowered worse. “Nothing.”

“Worried about Twilight? Got to admit, that’s gonna take some doing…”

“No,” said Rainbow. “We promised to ask. All we can do is ask.”

“Then, was it th’ crack about your dear marehood, Dashie? She din’t mean nothin’ by it. She ain’t exactly too bright, you know that.”

“No, no…”

Applejack blinked, her ears to the side in perplexity. “Wull… what, then?”

Rainbow pouted, tight-lipped, and looked sidelong at her lover and mate.

“She was talking like you weren’t magical.”

“Maybe not compared to a Twilight Sparkle,” admitted Applejack, “but us earth ponies got us that growin’ magic, and that’s real fine even if we can’t fly or nothin’…”

Rainbow shut her up with a fierce kiss. “She’s a stinkin’ liar—because you are the most magical pony in the whole wide world.”

She watched as Applejack’s eyes widened, then grew moist and vulnerable.

“Ohhh, Dashie!”

Rainbow felt a little wobbly herself. “Yeah. And you are not either too big—even before I had Spy.”

“Oh, really?” said Applejack, smiling. “So I ain’t struck out with all pegasuses, huh?”

Rainbow peered up from under a chromatic fringe of mane, coyly. “Not the brave ones.”

“Thought you was gonna say, smart ones.”

Rainbow shook her head. “Oh no. Taking an epic ground-pounding like that isn’t smart. You end up coming back for more. And more, and more, and more…” She peered coyly at Applejack again, flirting with her tail.

Applejack studied Rainbow for a moment, her head tilted and her face in a wicked grin.

“Well now. Maybe we could take a minute to…”

From the farmhouse, they heard the faint cry, and both ponies stiffened.

“…Maaaaaaa!”

Applejack winced. Rainbow grimaced.

Applejack flipped first the bit, then her hat into the air, catching the one in the other, slamming the hat down firmly onto her head without a word.

They walked, not too hurriedly, back to the house, with every appearance of propriety—if you didn’t count the way that Rainbow Dash’s wing stroked and fondled her beloved’s withers—or the matching orange and blue labia, both winking alongside each other in affectionate frustration.

“We’re comin’, Granny!” called Applejack.

Rainbow Dash snorted in exasperation, and muttered, “If only!”