Debutante

“And don’t tell anypony!” said the petite, ice-blue alicorn. “Not a word!”

The royal herald stared at her, ears laid back in a combination of anxiety and perplexity. “But…”

Chaos, the true form of the draconequus Discord, stamped her dainty cute hoof. “I mean it! I can’t tell you why that’s so important, but take my word for it, it’s vital. You’re being trusted with a great honor, an unthinkably precious moment, and how dare you cavil and argue?”

The trumpeter fell back a pace. “No, I just… not even tell the other heralds?”

Chaos blinked. “Oh. Well, of course, you idiot, I’m charging you with the responsibility of wrangling them. But tell nopony else! And they’re not to tell either—it’s a surprise!”

“But,” said the trumpeter, “you’re insisting I not say a word. What should I do, nudge them?”

Chaos blinked her lovely jade eyes. She levelled her long, oversized horn at him and he fell back another step.

“If you like,” she said. “If that’s what it takes. But bring your, aha, horny compatriots to Audience Room B, and ensconce yourself in your performer’s box…”

“That’s not in the Audience Room,” objected the trumpeter.

“It’s not?” blinked Chaos.

“We set up in the Revolving Stage Rooms,” insisted the trumpeter. “Not that they actually revolve, it’s magic. You know, linking the room to the audience through a portal. I’ve said a thousand times, they could spare another portal for the poor heralds. We have to sound our fanfare, and then literally duck out of sight and crawl from one Revolving Stage Room to the next, to be ready for when they switch the portal. Call that fair?”

Chaos’s delicate ear flicked in exasperation. “Well, this is your lucky day. You won’t be crawling out of the herald’s box to the next stage room, because I need you to assemble a clarion team of heralds secretly in Audience Room B, and await a special moment, which you will celebrate. It is the most meaningful fanfare you will ever sound. And not a word to anypony, now or afterward!”

The trumpeter frowned. “But it’s much more difficult. How do I even say ‘Audience Room B’ by nudges? Is this a chaos thing?”

Chaos gritted her dainty teeth. “Just do it. You’ll understand later, my dear sir. Trust me. And not so much as a BREATH to…”

“Oh, now that’s unreasonable,” complained the trumpeter. “How do you expect me to sound a fanfare if I’m not allowed to breathe?”

“DISCORD!” came a sharp voice, and Chaos squeaked in alarm.

“Just do it!” she hissed to the trumpeter, and turned to face the pony striding down the palace corridor. “Why, Twilight Sparkle! How pleasant to see you. What brings you to our humble abode?”

Twilight trotted up, her eyes narrowing, Spike scrambling to keep up with her long-legged strides. She glared at Chaos, who gave her a gratituously innocent look. Twilight’s eyes narrowed still further. “What are you up to, Discord?”

“Oh, Twilight, you’re the sparkle-iest,” scoffed Chaos. “And whatever happened to your intentions of encouraging my demure and charming marely side? You should be calling me Chaos. How quickly we forget!”

Twilight stamped a hoof. “I forgot when you raised hell in that crazy Fillydelphia nightclub! You expect to be treated as a Princess, but how many Princesses randomly turn a club full of innocent ponies to disembodied penises, on a whim?”

“Those weren’t innocent,” objected Chaos, “and I turned them back. They were trying to hurt Derpy Hooves, and I had no choice and was entirely exonerated. And as for how many Princesses… have you asked the new one?”

“No, I have not,” said Twilight. “I haven’t even met her. That’s why I’m here. Did she really present herself at the palace and demand to see Cadance?”

Chaos pursed her petite pony lips, a twinkle in her eye. “Oh, much better than that.”

“Explain!”

“Well, I was going to,” huffed Chaos petulantly. “Her name is Numeric Essence, but you can call her Essence. She appeared at the gates and politely asked to see her counterpart, claiming that she was becoming an alicorn herself. When pressed, she explained that she had been transforming for some time, and that she had reason to infer the existence of an alicorn known for wanton behavior, passion, and wallowing in debauchery.”

Twilight’s jaw had dropped.

“The palace guard, a fine stout fellow, recognized her description of dear Cadance immediately and showed her in right away!”

“Becoming? Transforming for some time?” demanded Twilight. “Counterpart?”

Chaos winced, seeming troubled for the first time. “I feel,” she said, “we all have much to think about regarding her theories…”

Spike chimed in, standing on tippy-claws to be nearer the conversation. “She thinks alicorns come in pairs? Opposites?”

Chaos blinked. “Why, yes, Spike, that does seem to be her theory. Well done! I shudder to think who dear Twilight’s opposite would be. No, I’ll rephrase that. I would adore meeting Twilight Sparkle’s opposite, because that alicorn would know how to party!”

Twilight glowered at him. “Enough. If I’m Leadership, then my opposite would be just as useless as you. I’m supposed to meet her, where is she?”

“Haven’t the foggiest,” replied Chaos. “Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

“Oh, no, you don’t!” insisted Twilight. “What were you doing with that pony you were talking to?”

Chaos gave the irate lavender alicorn a cool, appraising look.

“I did nothing with him, Twilight,” she said. “Surely you saw that. I don’t appreciate your tone, and if you persist, I shall complain to Celly about it.”

Twilight stepped back, nervously pecking at the floor with a forehoof. “It’s… not right that you should call her that.”

“Perhaps you’d like to scold her as well? She calls me ‘Swirlie’,” explained Chaos, smugly. “Naughty of her, is it not?”

Twilight bit her lip, then blurted, “You have nothing to offer Princess Celestia, Discord!”

“Oh?” replied Chaos, with a coy, teasing little smile.

Twilight turned and ran, to a cry of “Whoa, hold on!” from Spike. He hesitated, turning back to Chaos, who stood watching impassively. “You know,” he said, “you could take it a little more easy on Twilight, couldn’t you?”

“Why should I?” said Chaos. “She won’t give me a bit of credit. …or a bit ON credit, for that matter. She won’t give me a bit at all! It’s cruel and unreasonable.”

Spike screwed up his face. “That stuff again! I don’t get it. You’re like, mister draconequus chaos magic guy. It’s bad enough Twilight’s doing creepy sex magic stuff with magic bits turning mares into stallions, but what’s it got to do with you? Why are you going around as an alicorn now and talking like a girl?”

Chaos’s expression darkened. “It would take a fair amount of explaining…”

“Uh, how about no?” suggested Spike, cringing.

“Then take my word for it, Twilight’s refusal to help me in the matter is causing me difficulty,” said Chaos. “I won’t go into detail that you might find repugnant, but know this: I won’t let Twilight’s recalcitrance prevent me from doing what is right. And long overdue!”

Spike gulped. “This won’t end well.”

“On the contrary, my dear young dragon boy. This did not begin well. It shall end in transports of glory and a celebration for the ages, and bring lasting joy to those that deeply deserve that boon!”

Spike gawked. He turned. He ran.

Chaos pouted. “They have no imagination,” she grumbled. Then she smiled… for she had enough to spare.

She headed off, a mare on a mission.


“Twilight Sparkle!” squeaked Princess Luna, rearing in alarm. “Whither this galloping?”

“Princess Luna!” cried Twilight. “You’ve got to help me, we have to stop Discord, I know he’s plotting something terrible!”

Luna gasped. “Surely not! To the best of my knowledge, Chaos is making a great effort to show kindness and generosity. Especially to Celestia! Please calm yourself. Perhaps you have simply not been around here enough to recognize her efforts for good?”

Twilight shook her head. “I know better! That smirk just screams ‘Discord’ and you have to help me stop whatever he’s going to do…”

Luna tsked, looking worried. “That would be ‘she’, Twilight, and we are trying to help her accept her new form. I understand she’s been seeking tutoring from Princess Cadance.” Luna winced, laying her ears back. “I fear she learns too well, but cannot fault her desire to please. Half our palace guards smile and walk funny these days.”

“Cadance is here?” demanded Twilight.

“We’ve sent for her, Twilight, because the new alicorn asked for her so directly…”

“That’s right! New alicorn. What was her name? We’ll get her to help us…”

“Do you need help?” came a new voice, cool and thoughtful. Twilight and Luna looked to the side, and Twilight caught her breath in wonder.

The new alicorn was tall, nearly as tall as Princess Celestia. Her body was the lightest of mint green shades, and her mane and eyes the deep greens of the peaceful forest. Her gaze showed an unearthly calm.

Twilight blinked, feeling unequal to the new arrival, then stamped a hoof and said “You bet we do!”. Luna looked worriedly at Twilight, clearly wanting to protest, but deferring to Twilight’s strong and wilful feelings.

Numeric Essence blinked, and glanced back and forth between Twilight and Luna. She gave a little gasp. “If I’m not mistaken, this is another polarity! If I can determine the character represented between you two alicorns, why, my studies will be advanced immeasurably!”

“A what?” said Twilight. “Your studies? I mean, yay studies, nopony out-studies me, but this is serious! What polarity?”

Numeric Essence smiled, seeming not to notice Twilight’s distress. “It’s very simple… Twilight, was it?”

“Twilight Sparkle!” insisted Twilight, with another stamp of her hoof.

“It’s very simple, Twilight Sparkle,” said the new alicorn patiently. “We’re created through magic in forms that represent polarities of experience. We are personified counterparts, you might say. I’ve been studying my condition ever since it began happening to me…”

“Why didn’t you get zapped to that magic alicorn place like I did?” demanded Twilight. “How can you suddenly turn up without us knowing about it?”

“I resisted,” said Numeric Essence calmly. “Did it not occur to you? I am told your number possess impressive powers I’m not yet privy to, but it surprises me that not one of you chose not to respond. Indeed, you all consented to the magic’s changes, very likely in moments of strong emotion. The magic took my form and altered it, yet I remain the unicorn I once was, and in fact I cannot fly as you do, and my powers are no more than a common unicorn’s. I did not go along with the transformation. I resisted.”

Twilight had gone pale. She stared at the strange, calm alicorn, amazed. “Excuse me. You resisted the magic? It fucking grabbed me! Um, sorry. How could you resist that?”

“Meeting your Princess Cadance has helped me to understand,” said Numeric Essence. “She is fascinating! She’s described her experience as a moment of grand, matchless passion that opened her to an embrace of all ponykind’s sensuality. Cadance claims her strong emotion of a sexual nature resonated with the fabric of magic itself and transformed her. Was your experience similarly in a moment of great and characteristic passion, related to your eventual purpose?”

Twilight gaped at her, and remembered her own transformation. Facing down an angry mob of townsponies who were ready to attack the apparently guilty Gilda Griffin. Raging at them, using her magic to force them to her will, hitting upon a new spell off the top of her head and imposing the spirit of harmony upon them whether they liked it or not—and then, gone, to a strange new magical space and a shocking and un-looked-for new existence. No, she hadn’t resisted. Every fiber of her being was engaged in the effort to rewrite reality to her will, with no detachment at all, and the magic had flared up as if exploding in response to her passion.

“If you prefer not to answer,” said Numeric Essence mildly, “that is your privilege. I am most curious, however. I would like to decide whether to fully join your number, or remain as I am.” She pondered this, for a moment. “I may require further advice from your Princess Cadance, not about lovemaking but in emotional release. That appears to be the prerequisite, and it doesn’t come naturally to me.”

“Wow,” breathed Twilight, wide-eyed. “She got hit with alicorn-ness, and ignored it!”

“Her theories have given us all a lot to think about,” said Princess Luna. “In truth, our own experience, and Cadance’s, and yours, and even that of Chaos are all of a kind. In moments of great excitement and magical exertion, we resonated with the fabric of magic and were transformed. Numeric Essence believes she is the counterpart to Cadance, and where Cadance is Alicorn of Sex…” and she glanced around to check that nopony had overheard that secret of the Princess of Love, “…it would appear that Numeric Essence is or could become the Alicorn of Logic.”

Essence bowed her head, with dignity.

“Wow,” squeaked Twilight. “That’s amazing! I wish I could have been that!”

“But we need our Alicorn of Leadership, Twilight, especially now!” urged Luna, supportively. “Prithee, do not express regret, as you come to your full powers we may yet draw on all that defines you!”

At this, Numeric Essence blinked. “Leadership? Surely not. I’m not certain of the exact polarity, but just as your Celestia and Chaos are poles of Order and Disorder, and as I and Cadance are Logic and Sex, you and Luna are plainly… something, and something else?” She quirked her ears, thinking, with a cute little frown on her elegant face.

“Chaos enjoys calling me Alicorn of Second Banana,” said Luna reprovingly, “but for centuries I have known myself to be the faithful support of my sister Celestia, and willingly do I serve her. Even my dark times of failing were shaped by this. In Nightmare I rebelled against my nature and became terrible in my despair, but thanks to the overpowering will of our Twilight Sparkle, I was wrested from this fate and returned to my own truth.”

“I would greatly enjoy questioning you about that experience,” said Numeric Essence, her ears quirking forward curiously.

Twilight watched Luna shudder. Truly, the pale mint alicorn was a polar opposite of Cadance, for Cadance never gave anypony emotional distress, and this new alicorn-in-the-making seemed entirely oblivious to it.

“Rather,” said Luna gravely, “would I focus on the truth I’ve been returned to. With the aid of some Ponyville ponies, I have been bred and carry my foal even now, and if it were possible, I would say this fulfils me even more deeply than my service to my beloved sister.”

“All right,” said Essence kindly. “If you change your mind, please let me know.”

Twilight looked around, peering down the corridors. “Where IS Princess Celestia?”


“Swirlie?” called Princess Celestia, peering cautiously into the empty Stage Room.

“Beloved!” replied the clear little voice of Chaos, rich with affection.

Celestia stepped further into the darkness. “Swirlie, did you speak with her?” She flicked her tail, in some agitation.

Chaos’s voice wavered. “Ah… in a manner of speaking…”

“But you needed to ask her, Swirlie. You promised. And your voice, it’s not as I remember it, you still sound female to me. And you told me to come here secretly… and bring all of my femaleness. And I thought I understood what you meant, Swirlie, and I was so excited…”

There was a stirring in the darkness, and an oddly deep grunt. “Celestia my dear,” said Chaos hesitantly, “I’d hoped you remembered more than just my voice.”

“It’s been so long,” purred Princess Celestia, taking another step into the darkness. “You implied some wonderful things, Swirlie. I know what gifts magic can bring. I ask you again, did you speak with her, did she agree to aid us, and do you come bearing gifts for your Princess as you did of old?”

“Ah,” stammered Chaos, “yes, no… and yes.”

The light gently returned to the room, and Celestia’s jaw dropped in horror.

Chaos stood, forelegs wrapped around the neck of a short and burly earth pony, who smiled foolishly. Her eyes glistened with frightened tears, and she said, “Let me explain…”

Princess Celestia gulped, and licked her lips, for her mouth had gone dry suddenly.


“Yes,” said the palace wizard, “but the problem is, the heralds are trying to be in two different audience rooms. And they’re supposed to be in the stage room, in their recessed box!”

Princess Luna quirked her ears. “Do we want them nearer the audience, mayhap? If the change answers some purpose, I would not naysay it. The heralds are directly before the audience?”

“Yes, Princess, and that’s completely against procedure!”

Luna thought. “Could it be that the unveiling of Numeric Essence is meant to be a happy surprise for them as well? Essence, have you been asked to conceal yourself until the ceremony?”

Numeric Essence wrinkled her brow. “I was told to wait in Stage Room B. I went there, but it was locked. Unwilling to break or magically interfere with the lock, I returned and now I am speaking with you. Was I supposed to act in some different way? I concluded there must have been some mistake.”

The palace wizard’s eyes widened, and he nodded, his horn making a little arc in the air. “There must have been! We’re very sorry, Miss Essence. But now there’s no time to lose! Please go at once to Stage Room A, and when we give you the signal, strike a pose and use your magic to trigger the linking of the rooms. Protocol dictates that you make the connection, to ward against embarrassment should you sneeze or stumble just before the link is made. The final moment is yours to choose, Miss Essence.”

Numeric Essence’s ears had gone sideways in chagrin. She visibly struggled to make sense of what she’d been told. “What difference could it possibly make if I sneezed?” she said, weakly.

The unicorn mage stamped a forehoof, indignantly. “We would never forgive ourselves for allowing such a humiliating moment, Miss Essence!”

Princess Luna murmured, “Perhaps they wish her preparations to not be distracted by our heralds, as she is not accustomed to court formalities?”

Numeric Essence looked back and forth between wizard and Princess, biting her lip. Talking to alicorns about their intrinsic natures and polarities, questioning Cadance about her debauchery, had not so much as ruffled a hair of her mane, but to be confronted with formal courtly protocol and required to honor it… left her flummoxed. It was, after all, so often the antithesis of Logic.


Princess Celestia’s eyes were wide. “S…swirlie, what have you done?”

Chaos gulped. “Please say yes. It is the most I can do for you, and honestly, Celly, you’ll be amazed.”

“But who is he?” wailed Celestia, trembling. “Swirlie, I thought I was going to have you! I w… was so excited…”

“Please don’t let that stop you?” implored Chaos. “When Twilight refused to let me have a bit, I couldn’t help but remember this fellow.”

“Get it from Rarity!” retorted Celestia. Her hind legs were shaking.

“Derpy said no,” replied Chaos. “She said she thought she might be needing it.”

Princess Celestia blinked. “DERPY needed it?”

Chaos gave her a sharp look. “Celly, you don’t suggest that Derpy Hooves isn’t entitled to an opinion on the matter? It’s theirs.”

Celestia blushed. “Of course not. But…”

“Princess, my Princess,” implored Chaos, “I did everything that I could to unite us in carnal ecstacy. I would devote myself to the worship of your body with hooves and tongue even now, except…”

“That’s all right,” said Celestia quickly.

“…except you thrill to the touch of a true stallion,” said Chaos firmly, “and I don’t resemble one anymore. Well, I have brought you one beyond your fondest memory! Ah, make that equivalent to your fondest memory.”

“Who is it? Where did you get him? Look at him, Swirlie, I’m not sure he understands what we’re saying!”

Chaos’s hoof was stroking the earth pony’s neck, fondly. “Don’t you remember? He was in that nightclub. They thought he’d split me in two, but I showed them. Celly, I took him home with me. He’s very sweet. All he really wanted was some pussy.” Chaos winced. “That’s been rather difficult, not to say disturbing, but until now it’s been very much my responsibility. Not even Cadance will touch him.”

Celestia gulped. “Why do you say that, Swirlie?”

“Because he is exactly like I was, Celly. Please… let me share that boon with you. All I ask is that I…” and Chaos choked up for a moment, “…that I can watch.”

“Oh, Swirlie!” moaned Celestia, trembling. “You’re kidding, surely you’re joking. It’s you I long to be reunited with. What are you asking?”

Chaos’s eyes bored into the Princess’s.

“I know what I’m asking. I’ve done everything I can to bring that to you. I am forestalled at every turn, and you grow restless and your body awakes from its long slumber. My Princess, I cannot bear to make you wait any longer. Don’t you remember, so long ago? I had no more claim on you than this sweet oaf of an earth pony. You were bored and worked up, and you extended your invitation, and after one night our lives were forever changed…”

Celestia licked her lips, her ears laid back, shaking her head gently—but she did not look at Chaos as she did so. She stared into space, as if arguing with herself. “Oh, Swirlie, Swirlie,” she moaned softly. “It’s not fair.”

“No!” protested Chaos. “Not fair is laying with you, knowing I cannot become what you desire. To turn to Starswirl form, dickless, would be an affront to my feelings and yours. I can’t bear to even call upon my own voice of old, for fear it would stir you!”

“Do it,” breathed Princess Celestia.

“I beg your pardon?” said Chaos.

Celestia set her jaw. “I cannot but answer to your yearning and generosity… and you’ve been driving me mad, Swirlie, mad with memory. Do it! This is a good pony before me? You’re absolutely sure of that? Good as you were, not simply well-favored as you were?”

Chaos hugged the earth pony’s neck. “He is! But Celly, do what, what?”

Princess Celestia gulped. Her eye twitched. “Call upon that voice, darling. Perhaps, turn into your draconequus form, if that won’t frighten the poor thing? We are accustomed to it, and Discord speaks as you spoke of old. That voice never stopped thrilling me, even in our worst days. Turn to Discord, my love… and touch me. It has been so long.”

Chaos’s eyes went very wide.

“And then,” continued Princess Celestia unsteadily, “let us see what our new friend brings us. Hold me while he… hold me! What is his name, Swirlie?”

“Crowbar,” said Chaos in a deep baritone voice, and in a blink of chaos magic she transformed into draconequus form, into Discord, still snuggling Crowbar’s neck… but Discord’s tail snaked out, to trace up the inside of Princess Celestia’s leg.

Celestia bit her lip hard, with an audible whimper. A faint wet sound was heard, as her long-neglected body winked its sexual invitation to the empty room.

Crowbar’s ears perked bolt upright, and he sniffed the air.


“Well, the thaumic orientation is aligned to link Stage B with Audience B!” protested the wizard.

“Yes,” argued the herald, “but we’re not IN Audience B. That was a mistake, remember? Everypony’s in Audience A. Change it over!”

“But somepony said the new alicorn’s in Stage A, because B was locked and she couldn’t get in! She’s not in Stage B.”

A second wizard spoke up. “No, she is. Somepony’s in B, she must have got in. Re-link ‘em!”

The first wizard tossed his mane, snorted, and washed his horn of the matter. He cross-linked Audience A with Stage B, ready for the new alicorn in Stage B to trigger the spell.

In the distance, a lone herald stubbornly argued, “I’m telling you, she said Audience B! And she also said not to breathe a word to anypony! This can’t be right!”

“You won’t be breathing a word to anypony if you get all the heralds waiting in an empty room, while the new alicorn Princess is about to be presented to Society in the other room…”


Numeric Essence tentatively tried the door to Stage Room B. It was still locked.

She pressed her ear to the door. Was that moaning, from inside?

She returned to Stage Room A. It continued to be empty, and she could hear moaning coming faintly through the wall. Clearly the different rooms were dedicated to the same purpose, but one was being used for dallying. It seemed possible that the room she was to occupy was the room that had been locked from the inside. What was the logical course of action, if the ponies occupying the room were in the wrong, but hadn’t meant harm? Could she reasonably infer wrongdoing, or estimate the probability of wrongdoing versus the likelihood that she had been misinformed?

Numeric Essence looked fretfully back at the door, her uncertainty growing.


Twilight Sparkle made her way, with Princess Luna, to the front of Audience Room A, where two spaces were reserved for them. She looked around. If anything, it was more glamorous than the Grand Galloping Gala. But then, the Gala had not included the debut of a new alicorn Princess.

She sat on her haunches, waiting.


The tassel on Discord’s snakey tail felt very silky as it caressed Princess Celestia’s nipples.

“S-Swirlie…” she moaned, trembling as she stood. Discord, in draconequus form, had relinquished the embrace of Crowbar, and was wrapping bodily around the Princess’s statuesque shape. Crowbar seemed not bothered by Discord, apparently too good-natured to be offended by the snakey monstrosity and tall beautiful alicorn snuggling each other and ignoring him… but he’d sniffed something of great interest to him, and kept rearing up and bashfully returning to all four hooves again.

Celestia’s wing enfolded Discord’s body, wrapping around him lovingly.

“Ohhh,” moaned Discord, “that would feel amazing against Chaos’s fine sensitive flesh, beloved. Or between her thighs…”

The wing pulled back abruptly. Celestia glanced, startled. Discord pouted.

“Oh, Celly. With all that your little ponies get up to, how can you BE so straight?”

“Please don’t judge me,” said Princess Celestia, her eyes large and imploring. “Twas ever so, as you well remember. I cannot help how I am made.”

Discord gulped. “I could just spank Twilight Sparkle, or turn her into green cheese, for depriving me the chance of being your stallion again…”

“I can wait,” protested Princess Celestia. “What is another day, or week, or month, after thousands of years?”

“Oh?” teased Discord. The silky tail-tassle traced up the inside of Celestia’s thigh.

She jolted, her eyes widening, gritting her teeth. “Damn it, Swirlie! Why do you do this?”

Discord’s eyes held an expression new to them. “I never wanted you to be alone, Celly. Or… I’ll be honest, I wanted you to be with me, all these thousands of years. But there was a little spark within myself, that tormented me for I did not understand it, and that little spark wanted you to be happy. Seemed mad, but there it was. Centuries I suffered, imagining you wrapped in the forelegs of some other fine stallion, enjoying the pleasures I used to bring you.”

Celestia was shaking her head, in disbelief. Crowbar reared, uselessly, and again dropped to his hooves, unable to reach the Princess’s elegant rump.

Discord continued, “At no point did I consider that you would spend the entire time with no pleasures at all!”

“There are many pleasures,” objected Princess Celestia. “Tea. Good company. Beauty.”

“Nay, beloved, thou knowest what I meant,” said Discord gravely. “YOU are beauty. And you froze up and went untouched for century after century. And that is the unkindest part of all. I lost myself… but in so doing, the world lost your ecstacy, and is the poorer for it.”

Celestia trembled. She muttered, “Twilight Sparkle has been all too willing to see me as a sexless deity. To my certain knowledge, several lives have been troubled entirely due to my own attitudes in recent centuries, and Twilight wishing to emulate what she saw as my chasteness.”

Discord bowed his head. “She’s an insufferable brat and will be a pain in the neck to all of us; particularly myself, as I am all neck in this form.” He let out an awk, as Celestia cuffed him with a wing.

“Be kind. We will have eternity to straighten her out. Or lesbian her up, or whatever she needs to do to make sense of herself,” said Celestia.

“Celly, look behind you,” suggested Discord.

She did, and gazed down into the pleading eyes of a shuffling earth pony, who’d dropped a simply mammoth erection, but found it flagging as his object of desire distracted herself with caretaking schemes.

“We’re not here to fix Twilight Sparkle,” said Discord. “We’re not here for me to experience my greatest stallionly triumph—except in a sense. My presence and our relationship has led you onward until your needs call for more than I can fulfill, but Princess: I’ve not spoken of my needs before now.”

“Then, speak,” said Celestia, her mouth going dry.

Discord’s voice was a low, sexy throb of passion. “I need to feel your glorious, perfect body climax against mine, again. I need to sense your utter joy and satisfaction. I need you to come for me, Princess, because the Universe has been deprived of that element of beauty for thousands of years, and it will not wait upon my selfish convenience. I will have my chance one day, but let me deliver you triumphantly back into your glorious body, that you may own it and feel truly alive once more.”

Princess Celestia could only stare at him, tears coming to her eyes. He meant every word, every syllable, and the devotion of it made her weak in the knees. This alicorn, this draconequus, once her stallion, had cultivated a love beyond selfishness: beyond his whimsical pranks, beyond his centuries of resentment, beyond all that had torn them apart.

He really did want nothing more than to hold her while she came, if that was the best he could hope for today.

Behind her, Crowbar snorted excitedly, and began rearing, his erection slapping his belly in renewed enthusiasm. The alicorn vagina right in front of him had suddenly quivered and glistened, even squirting a little dribble of alicorn nectar. Celestia’s flanks trembled, and her tail twitched, and she struggled to keep her footing for her insides seemed to have liquified at a stroke into very eager jelly.

Discord coiled around her body in wild excitement. “Yes, darling, yes!”

“I’m going to pretend he is you,” breathed Celestia unsteadily.

“He won’t mind a bit. Oh, beloved, precious, wonderful!” cried Discord, fondling Celestia all over with tail and wings and snakey torso. “Just one thing…”

“What, what?” moaned Celestia, feeling Crowbar’s hot breath against her privates, smelling his stallionhood erect behind her.

“Crouch down and stay there,” urged Discord, “when you’re sure you’re ready. He won’t make you wait, trust me. But he can’t reach you, my love, you’re too large!”

Celestia’s head whipped around, and she stared at her would-be amour, startled. He peered apologetically over the curve of her vast, alabaster ass, no more able to mount upon her than if she’d been a dragon.

She blushed hotly. Discord lost no time, whispering into her ear, “He likes it. We both do! We adore and crave the very scale of you, beloved, you are a form like no other, but you’ve got to crouch down for him. Oh, Celly! Let me hold you, and let’s do this!”

Hyperventilating, royal blood pounding in her ears, vision blurred in waves of raw mare-pony lust, Princess Celestia lowered first her broad and powerful chest—and then her elegant, lean hindquarters—to the floor.

Crowbar clambered upon her with an odd delicacy, all eagerness but as if her unusual posture surprised him. His ears laid back in concentration as he tried to make sense, in his friendly feeble mind, of his position.

Celestia’s tail thrashed, briefly, and Crowbar gave a startled grunt. She’d lifted her butt under him, and suddenly it all made perfect sense to his body, and a vast smooth expanse of mare bottom pressed his belly and he knew just what to do—and he did.

Crowbar’s titanic, thick horsecock, thrust by staunch earth pony hips with unhurried determination, pressed against Princess Celestia’s quivering marehood, parting her vulva and smoothly sliding foot by foot into her equine vagina, until his crotch came to rest against her rump.

Princess Celestia’s mouth hung open in shock. Her eyes were wide as Canterlot serving plates at the Gala, and she stopped breathing for a moment, stunned insensible by her sensations.

She was a vast, towering alicorn mare so large that the earth pony stallion couldn’t even mount her without help—but for all that, in a single unexpectedly tender thrust, he’d stuffed every juicy inch of her vagina with a bulk that took her breath away. Then he just rested, allowing her to feel his heartbeat pushed so deeply inside her. The sensation was outrageous, incomparable, as if he had been built by a playful and affectionate Fate just to gratify excessively-large alicorn mares.

Not incomparable, though, not really. There had been another, once, just like it…

Discord’s face was wreathed in a wobbly, adoring smile as he drank in Celestia’s reaction. “Told you,” he said.

Princess Celestia stared at nothing, her mouth still hanging open. She gulped, and licked her lips, her ears trembling, shivers rippling through her statuesque body in its ass-up crouch. She opened her mouth to speak, and then she just gasped in a breath, her heart pounding. She was so FULL, like she thought she would never be again, and could swear she felt the earth pony’s cock nuzzling her cervix with delicate little pushes as if to say, yes, I can reach every bit of you as large as you are: I touch your deepest privatest depths and I’m adoring every moment of it…

Discord snuggled under her high-arched chin, drinking in her shuddering breaths, her wordless awe. For a moment, it struck him how odd or even chaotic it was that he could learn things from such a stupid and retarded pony as this Crowbar. But he knew how it was going to go, because through Chaos magic he’d been able to learn the heart of this Crowbar stallion’s witless lovemaking and it had humbled him to the core.

“You wait,” breathed Discord. “He just wants to hold you. I mean, he wants to bury all of his cock, but then he just wants to hold you. And then… nature takes its course…”

Princess Celestia’s body jolted. Nature was taking its course.

Crowbar, content with his embrace of his mare’s rump and the deep burying of his boner in female bliss, had shifted his hips, just a bit. The motion tugged the titanic phallus within the Princess, and she let out a surprisingly fillyish cry for such a large pony, a cry that caused Discord to cuddle her still closer, rapt with adoration and excitement. Discord shook, frantic with eagerness, devouring every detail of his Princess’s expression as she arched her neck, baring her teeth in a grimace of sensual extremity.

Her pussy gripped its massive occupant in delight. Its walls were slick with alicorn juices, its enfolding flesh supple and fevered.

Crowbar let out a soft moan of pleasure, his joy as warm and bright as the Sun itself. It was echoed by the draconequus beside him, the two united in their devotion to Princess Celestia’s trembling, huge body.

Crowbar begin dreamily prodding with his hips, tugging the obscenely bulky horsecock farther and farther back before swinging it forward, slurping juicily to her quivering depths again and again.

Celestia cried out, wordlessly. From the moment Crowbar had penetrated her, her vision had been fixed on things outside the room, whether it was contemplation of the infinite or an awed study of her own distant past, and a much more aggressively-wielded duplicate of what penetrated her. But the earthy joys of that long-distant time had returned in the form of an earth pony stallion and a besotted draconequus who seemed bonded in a sensual worship of her and everything about her.

The feeling buoyed and lifted her, and her eyes widened and widened, and all the while that mammoth horsemeat plunged with more and more eagerness to rattle the gates of her very womb…

Crowbar whimpered excitedly, tensing up, his cock swelling boldly to its full unreasonable girth.

Celestia drew a deep breath, her face transfixed by a look of fear and wonder. Her body tensed as well, as Discord drew her close and wrapped around all of her that he could reach.

He couldn’t resist. That fluffy tailtip snuck between her legs, and affectionately tickled her clitoris, even as it jutted out between Celestia’s sweet entrance and the tree-trunk of a cock that repeatedly squeezed past that stiffened, winking clitoris into her juicy depths.

“AH!” cried Celestia.

As her body convulsed, Crowbar grunted and clung to her with all his burly strength, forcing his hard shaft all the way into her no matter how madly she shook and clenched—and he emitted a shuddering, farmyard squeal as he topped it off with several hungry, excited shoves, his energy seemingly swept up in hers to echo the force of her body’s reactions with his own. As the tall, powerful alicorn mare’s body went berserk upon him, he responded by fucking her lustfully and hard, plunging heedlessly within her.

Discord’s eyes rolled back in his head as he came, even in his weird and sexually ambiguous draconequus form, just to feel his beloved Princess’s body rocked by a titanic, spectacular orgasm. She jolted as if she’d been struck by lightning, her eyes still fixed on the infinite, her psyche blasted by sexual pleasure that perhaps only an alicorn frame could hope to withstand.

Princess Celestia stared at nothing, emitting wild heady breathless cries of erotic abandon, penetrated to the hilt by a stallion equal to anything she’d experienced, and embraced feverishly by both that stallion and her long-lost Starswirl, at the same time.

Crowbar came in her, a flood of horsecome gushing through his rock-hard shaft and drenching Princess Celestia’s womb in a final spurting benediction, and Discord felt how deeply the sensation rocked her. All her wing-feathers bristled for a moment, and she shook like a chewtoy in the jaws of Cerberus, her mind nearly snapping with pent-up release. It had been so terribly long since she’d been laid.

Discord nuzzled against her neck in a madness of worship and celebration, and he waited for second after second: feeling her shudders of wanton ecstacy, feeling Crowbar go quiet against her but still pumping stallion-seed so deeply into her, feeling the spasms rack her with nearly unendurable pleasure.

His draconequus heart pounded as he waited, as he felt beloved Celestia still coming helplessly, blind with sustained erotic climax. He knew from experience that, while most stallions dismounted, Crowbar liked to hang on and on, not wishing to give up the moment. He felt Crowbar nudge that softening horsecock into Celestia as she came, heard him whimper. The thunder died away slowly for him, too, and if you were a mare who could take him, your orgasm receded ever so slowly across the glowing horizon because he clung to every fading scrap of it with sweet desperate yearning…

He felt the shudders gradually die away, accompanied by one soft heartbreakingly sweet cry from Celestia.

He reached out with his magic, and he hit the switch to spring his surprise, his heart still pounding…

And before their eyes, the wall vanished and all of Canterlot society was standing there, and the heralds cut loose with a confident peal of brass.

The fanfare collapsed within a second. Discord stared, horrified.

“I said NO AUDIENCE!”


Twilight had just turned to speak to Spike when she saw the flicker of magic, and heard the heralds go off with a blare of trumpets.

She turned to the stage, and froze, barely able to register what she was seeing. Gasps around her told her it was no hallucination.

Princess Celestia pressed the ground, staring with a look of utter horror out at the noble audience. Discord coiled around her wantonly, and atop her rested a short and burly earth pony. She was sticking her butt up under his body, and he was fucking her. His hips still made gentle thrusting motions, quiet wet noises in the aghast silence.

Celestia’s head was held high, but not proudly, more like she was recoiling from what she saw.

In that frozen moment of horror, Twilight saw that the earth pony’s eyes were shut, and he wore a foolish, blissful smile… and he stretched his neck forward, and he licked Princess Celestia’s trembling, splayed-back ear.

The scene on the stage seemed to explode.

Princess Celestia screamed, letting out a frightened shrill whinny that might have been any distressed mare, and she thrashed, flinging the earth pony and Discord off her. She stood at bay for a moment, vast wings flapping in panic, and all the audience could see the come pour down from between her legs, soiling the stage with organic goo that oozed back out of her gaping vagina.

And then, she fled, charging forward through the appalled crowd, earth pony come dripping down her legs, heading for the large exit archway on the far end of the Audience Room A.

Twilight screamed as well, and raced after her, both alicorns forgetting their wings in their hysteria and simply running like panicked horses toward any possible exit. Spike scrambled to follow, looking sick.

At the back of the Stage Room B, the locked door opened in a glimmer of magic. Discord whirled, hearing the sound behind him.

“I don’t mean to intrude,” said Numeric Essence politely, “but I may have been assigned to this room?”

Discord looked frantically back and forth between the newcomer and the stunned, horrified crowd. Tears began to flood his eyes.

“Begone! Get out! All of you! Get out or I’ll, I’ll do something very random!” he wailed.

The tension broke all at once. Every pony in the audience, including the heralds, freaked out and ran, stampeding out of the room for their very lives.

Numeric Essence, unfazed, walked gently up behind Discord. “Excuse me, I’ve never met you before. You must be the one who was using the room to which I was assigned, in error. At least, I assume the error was yours, and that my assignment was not itself erroneous.”

She blinked. “Are you all right?”

Discord wept.